Five Reasons Why I Should Move to India

Note: I am NOT moving to India.

1) No sinus problems in India. I had an ear drum incident last year and since then have had some serious sinus infections and blocked ears - which make for bad headaches and horrible plane rides. Not in India! I expected the food to be spicy and thought I was prepared. I had done pretty well until last week when I ate a green chili at lunch. I don't know what kind of chili this is but it made for a rough day. As soon as I swallowed it I realized what I had done - my body quite literally went in to shock. I sat for about 10 minutes while the feverish burning and dizziness passed, and then I cried a little and blew my nose for three days. Thank goodness I packed about 100 travel tissue packets - I take one with me to all my meals. Our cook, Krishna murti, who I call KM for short, finds me in the afternoon and tells me if dinner is going to be a spicy one, so I can bring an extra water bottle. Indian food is definitely keeping my nasal passages moving!

2) I am practically a celebrity. Well not quite, but now I know how celebrities feel when they go out for a walk. Most afternoons I put on my walking shoes and go for a rigorous walk down to the river. I go through about three villages along the way, and in all of them people come out of their houses to see me walk by. From what I can tell, most of their puzzled faces indicate thoughts along these lines: "What the heck is this white girl doing power walking through my village like some sorority girl" (don't know if power walking and sororities have made it to India yet, but you get me.) But the second I make eye contact, or smile in their direction, I am greeted with giant smiles and waves from everyone.

3) Everything I say is a riot. I may as well be the fourth Stooge, because as far as Indians are concerned, I am a walking slap stick comedy. English and non-English speakers alike laugh their heads off when I say anything sarcastic or even the least bit witty. It's such a confidence boost for my comedic skills! Although I half suspect the non-English speakers are laughing at my accent, not my jokes. My afternoon walk fan club comes up to me from out of nowhere to say "Haylo mayam" and then the entire village belly laughs while I make a hasty but smiling exit. It's hard to tell whether they are making fun of me but I try not to look into it too much.

4) It's the little things that matter. After wearing the same pair of underwear for seven days (washed seven times I might add), the arrival of my luggage was like the second coming of Christmas. Which is another thing: finding things like underwear is no walk in the park in big-city India, so a drugstore was a pretty major mood boost as well. Then today we got the internet reconnected at the school after going without for 10 days. I almost kissed the technician. Actually I only hugged him and he practically fell over. Lastly, since I cannot communicate with most of the staff, or the children, or anyone in the country for that matter, I have learned the value of a smile and a wave. Most places I go, I could have a duck sitting on my head and people would not look at me any stranger. But the second I bust out a big smile and wave, it is all over. They are just as friendly in return and ready to help or do anything for me ( like warn me about the spice bombs in my food). Mostly a smile is my only form of communication and it works!

5) Did I tell y'all about eating with my hands? I have now mastered yogurt and rice - which is as hard as it sounds. I'm practically an old hand now with the special scooping technique that eluded me during my first week. I'm sure most of you will think twice now before inviting me over for dinner!

xo