Driving can be a little bit nerve wracking here in the spicy country. Now that I've been here a little over three weeks, I am pretty used to being a passenger: clenching my jaw for the entire three hour ride, swearing every seventeen seconds, death gripping my seat belt - those are the adjustments I've made. I've stopped thanking God every time we reach a destination safely - I'm pretty sure He wants no part of these car trips!
Rule #1: There are no rules. Everything means nothing. That is to say that intersections, traffic lights, medians, pedestrian crosswalks, no entry/one way signs and all things related mean absolutely zilch. When arriving at a four way intersection or roundabout, don't stop. Just pull out and hope for the best. And watch out for the pedestrian. And that chicken over there. And the motor bike with the propane tanks swinging off the back.
Rule #2: A two lane road has at least five lanes of traffic - get used to that. If you find yourself behind an ox cart, surrounded by motor bikes, with a public bus veering into your lane and headed straight for you, your best bet is to close your eyes and put your foot on the gas. The results of this tactic will likely involve fewer deaths than if you try to make logical and safe choices when steering your car. Picture New York traffic, New Orleans roads, half of the livestock in Arkansas, all the motorcycles in California, an army of dogs and a billion people. Now try making a left turn.
Rule #3: Unlike your average Indian male, traffic cops do not give a hoot that I am white, or a woman, or from America, or if I miss my train. In fact, those credentials seemed to inspire them to hold me a good bit longer than necessary at the "Forest and Parks Checkpoint". Note to all: when being held unnecessarily at the drug and terrorist smuggling checkpoint disguised as an environmental safety office, keep your mouth shut. You might make your train.
Rule #4: Car seats are not necessary. For that matter, seat belts, helmets, harnesses and other safety contraptions are not on the radar at all here. Almost every time I get in the car, I find myself behind a motorcycle with a mother sitting on the back, side saddle, one arm around her husband, the other clutching their toddler who just bounces around on her hip. It makes me insane to watch this going on.
Rule #5: If there is an elephant in the road, turn around. Do not try to maneuver around said creature. Hell hath no fury like a startled elephant and a defensive one will gauge you and your car to a pulp with its tusks. Of course I pulled out my camera getting ready to snap away until my driver vetoed that smart idea. Elephants do not like having their picture taken. Nor do they stop at the Forest Checkpoints.
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